finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
