God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
