I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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