I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
