No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
