You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize