Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i came on her dog
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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