So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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