Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize