Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
