Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
