How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
