She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
