I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
