Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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