you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
