Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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