Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
