We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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