This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
