so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
