The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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