He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
