I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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