The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
