She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
