can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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