Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
