i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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