My friends, they love my intelligence
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
