Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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