We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
