just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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