yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
