so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
