You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
