If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
