So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
