Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
