I can't breathe out the right side of my face
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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