The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
