Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
