Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We had to coat check the pizza.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
