Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
