I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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