You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
