i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize