Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
