How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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