I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize