Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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