I could make wine with my vomit
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Found your dick twin last night
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
