wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
