I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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