Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
