On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
