she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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