is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
