this beer tastes like vomit already
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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