I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
