If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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