I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
