while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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