I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
