So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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