wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
