College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
