You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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