ya dads aren't the best wingmen
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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