sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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