she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
