Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
