hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
