I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
