Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
