Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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