whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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