I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
