i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
NoShamevember. You game?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize