Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize